Jadzia Brown

Where it all began…

There was a point, maybe two or three years ago, where I dropped two tabs of acid with one of my coworkers in a hotel room. We weren’t originally planning to take two, but I’d had a few laying around for a couple months and thought maybe they’d lost their potency. They hadn’t.

Anyway, time jump an hour and there we are tripping absolute balls and looping like crazy. Having the same conversations over and over again. We had some songs playing in the background, but for some reason the only song I can recall hearing was Bob Marley’s “Jamming”. It felt like it was on repeat constantly. Somehow, this idea of The Ultimate Jam came to my mind.

Trippy concepts for sober minds

Psychedelic concepts are a bit difficult to try and explain when you’re of sober mind but I will try my best. Basically, when you’re tripping balls your concept of time is very skewed. It seems to stretch on, and certain moments can feel like they’ve been happening for a very long time. In that moment, I started to think that maybe the future had already happened. That the trip was already over but I was just stuck in slow motion trying to get to the present moment. That the things that were happening on the trip, was just future me trying to guide me into her moment. Somehow sending signals back in time so that I can recognise them and follow them, catching up to her. This future me was trying to help me understand the big, final message that I would inevitably reach once the trip ended: The Ultimate Jam.

Okay… So?

Now, was there some big revelation at the end of that trip? No. I eventually came down and continued to watch my coworker looping some conversation with himself about the economy and then walk in and out of the bathroom a hundred times. But I’ve been having some thoughts lately that brought the memory back.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with life. Classic, I know. To put things simply, I have no idea what to do with my career or how to feel fulfilled with what I’m doing. I feel stagnant, like I’m stuck in one place and that I should be doing more to change things but I don’t know what. I get this weird feeling. That there’s some future version of me, who’s doing what she loves and has built a life for herself. And that she’s just waiting for me to make the choices and take the steps to catch up to her. I don’t know what those choices or steps are, which is what scares me. Are there wrong steps? Ones that lead me away from her? Or is it not taking any steps at all that will keep me trapped here? Is there really some Ultimate Jam? And if so, are there any signals?

What now?

Honestly, sometimes I feel like I should just get really high. Drop a shit ton of acid or something or go to one of those Ayahuasca retreats in Mexico. I’ve heard it’s lifechanging. But I know some people who believe you can achieve that sort of enlightenment just by meditating. I find that I get distracted too easily for that, but who knows. Anyway, I thought maybe writing these feelings in a blog could somewhat help. Or that I could document my journey trying to catch up to future me. Hence the name. Who knows. I’m actually not sure what this is going to be. Maybe I’ll just start by writing some stories from other wild trips. Or sharing the other things I write, like poetry. There’s only one thing I’m sure of about myself. At the root of all things, I’m a writer. So, maybe, writing will somehow be a step towards that future me; The Ultimate Jam.